Day One - 202

Day 1 -

Weight - 202 pounds

Height - 5'4

Okay. This is it. How many times have I told myself that? I've been on every diet in existence. Atkins. South Beach. Weight Watchers. The Grapefruit Diet. Deal-A-Meal. The Cabbage Soup Diet. The 10-day diet where you eat a scoop of ice cream every night. My favorite was The Beverly Hills diet, which I did 3-months before my wedding. All you eat on that one is fruit for the first 6 weeks. Needless-to-say, I had the temperament of Godzilla when I walked down the aisle. The diet that has brought me the most luck was Weight Watchers. After I had a baby two years ago, I dropped 30 pounds on it, but before I knew it, I quit going and the weight crept back up on me.

But this time it will be different. Ugh. How many times have I also said that? But, you know, this time, I think I mean it. I hope I do. I've decided that I have to work through some of my own issues. A person who is 5 foot 4 doesn't wind up 60 pounds overweight, or technically obese, for reasons related only to just loving the taste of Ho Ho's. In the past, I've thought the exploration of "why" I'm doing this to myself is victim-ish and a waste of time. When I think about all the reasons I have, sometimes I get angry, and I hate feeling that emotion. So... you, know. I eat. It's just what I do. When I'm happy. When I'm sad. Angry. Elated. At a Birthday or a Funeral. Parks are for picnics. Movies are for popcorn. Everything in my life is related to food.

Overeating has to be the least sexy of all the addictions. Think about the great writers and artists with addictions to booze and drugs... Hemingway. F Scot Fitzgerald. Curt Cobain. to name only a few. There's this kind of badge of honor related to drugging and drinking, a kind of smart man's vice. Or the new hip addiction - THE SEXAHOLIC. I live and work in Los Angeles, and I can tell you, being a sexaholic is the new black. Think about them, driving up to their incognito sex meetings in their convertible BMWs, ready to really hash out all their erotic fantasies with total strangers who are all also obsessed with never getting enough. Who know, maybe David Duchovney will show up, since he's become the volunatary spokesperson for the group.

It's official. There is nothing sexy about being an overeater. Sure, we drive around incognito, through Taco Bell drive- throughs and 24-hour Jack-in-the-Box's. But there's nothing sexy about greasy fingers tinged with the stain of curly fries, and a shirt with ketchup dribles. On the page, the addiction sounds almost laughable. And for me, all these years, it really has been. I'll go into greater detail later on (lucky you, if you're reading this), but I think the way I have swept this addiction under the rug is the very reason I have suffered so miserably and quietly from it.

I've made a promise to myself this time. Another one. Let's hope this one sticks. I'm going to tackle this Low Calorie Diet (I'll also talk more about that later), and this time, I'm tackling myself as well.